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    MadAmster
    MadAmster

    Rams Fan Since Rams Fan Since : 0
    Number of posts : 17129
    Registration date : 2009-02-20
    Points : 19574
    Age : 67
    Location : Where else but Amster Dam

    New job Empty New job

    Post by MadAmster Sun 23 Aug 2020, 12:51 pm

    Been hired by a local sandwich shop. Sounds like a very interesting job. They say I'll be filling a wide variety of roles.
    SawleyRam
    SawleyRam
    Admin

    Rams Fan Since Rams Fan Since : 1954
    First ever game : 1956
    Number of posts : 6006
    Registration date : 2011-01-11
    Points : 8239
    Age : 73
    Location : Username gives it away!

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    Post by SawleyRam Sun 23 Aug 2020, 1:11 pm

    Went to the cemetery yesterday to see my uncles' grave, I couldn't find it, I think I've lost the plot!



    It is better, of course, to know useless things than to know nothing.
    valakari
    valakari

    Rams Fan Since Rams Fan Since : 1967
    First ever game : 1972
    Number of posts : 2759
    Registration date : 2011-10-22
    Points : 2881
    Age : 53
    Location : Derby

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    Post by valakari Sun 23 Aug 2020, 11:35 pm

    This guy walks into a church...
    'nice church vicar'
    Vicar replies,'its norman'
    Nice Church, Norman....
    MadAmster
    MadAmster

    Rams Fan Since Rams Fan Since : 0
    Number of posts : 17129
    Registration date : 2009-02-20
    Points : 19574
    Age : 67
    Location : Where else but Amster Dam

    New job Empty Re: New job

    Post by MadAmster Mon 24 Aug 2020, 8:19 am

    Wearing a mask whilst wearing glasses is hard work. If I have an accident can I claim condensation ?
    SawleyRam
    SawleyRam
    Admin

    Rams Fan Since Rams Fan Since : 1954
    First ever game : 1956
    Number of posts : 6006
    Registration date : 2011-01-11
    Points : 8239
    Age : 73
    Location : Username gives it away!

    New job Empty Re: New job

    Post by SawleyRam Mon 24 Aug 2020, 10:08 am

    Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.



    It is better, of course, to know useless things than to know nothing.
    MadAmster
    MadAmster

    Rams Fan Since Rams Fan Since : 0
    Number of posts : 17129
    Registration date : 2009-02-20
    Points : 19574
    Age : 67
    Location : Where else but Amster Dam

    New job Empty Re: New job

    Post by MadAmster Mon 24 Aug 2020, 10:17 am

    Saw my mate outside the doctors earlier looking worried. I said “what’s wrong mate?” He said “I’ve got the big C”. I said “what, cancer? He said “no mate, dyslexia”.
    SawleyRam
    SawleyRam
    Admin

    Rams Fan Since Rams Fan Since : 1954
    First ever game : 1956
    Number of posts : 6006
    Registration date : 2011-01-11
    Points : 8239
    Age : 73
    Location : Username gives it away!

    New job Empty Re: New job

    Post by SawleyRam Mon 24 Aug 2020, 12:41 pm

    I saw this advert that said ‘Television for sale, £10 volume stuck on full, I thought I can’t turn that down!



    It is better, of course, to know useless things than to know nothing.
    MadAmster
    MadAmster

    Rams Fan Since Rams Fan Since : 0
    Number of posts : 17129
    Registration date : 2009-02-20
    Points : 19574
    Age : 67
    Location : Where else but Amster Dam

    New job Empty Re: New job

    Post by MadAmster Mon 24 Aug 2020, 1:23 pm

    I have a friend who is overweight, an alcoholic and a transvestite. Al he wants to do is eat, drink and be Mary.
    SawleyRam
    SawleyRam
    Admin

    Rams Fan Since Rams Fan Since : 1954
    First ever game : 1956
    Number of posts : 6006
    Registration date : 2011-01-11
    Points : 8239
    Age : 73
    Location : Username gives it away!

    New job Empty Re: New job

    Post by SawleyRam Mon 24 Aug 2020, 1:49 pm

    I’ve got a friend who’s fallen in love with two school bags.... he’s bisatchel



    It is better, of course, to know useless things than to know nothing.
    MadAmster
    MadAmster

    Rams Fan Since Rams Fan Since : 0
    Number of posts : 17129
    Registration date : 2009-02-20
    Points : 19574
    Age : 67
    Location : Where else but Amster Dam

    New job Empty Re: New job

    Post by MadAmster Tue 25 Aug 2020, 9:09 am

    An American priest has died after taking Trump's advice and injecting himself with disinfectant. Trump has been arrested for bleach of the priest.
    SawleyRam
    SawleyRam
    Admin

    Rams Fan Since Rams Fan Since : 1954
    First ever game : 1956
    Number of posts : 6006
    Registration date : 2011-01-11
    Points : 8239
    Age : 73
    Location : Username gives it away!

    New job Empty Re: New job

    Post by SawleyRam Tue 25 Aug 2020, 11:01 am

    What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer?....... A Father in law




    It is better, of course, to know useless things than to know nothing.
    Bobbies Helmet
    Bobbies Helmet

    Rams Fan Since Rams Fan Since : 1884
    First ever game : Burnley away 1975
    Number of posts : 610
    Registration date : 2017-11-25
    Points : 847
    Age : 55
    Location : Cop Shop

    New job Empty Re: New job

    Post by Bobbies Helmet Tue 25 Aug 2020, 12:48 pm

    SawleyRam wrote:What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer?....... A Father in law

    They have some nice coats in M & S do you want me to get you one Sawls......
    MadAmster
    MadAmster

    Rams Fan Since Rams Fan Since : 0
    Number of posts : 17129
    Registration date : 2009-02-20
    Points : 19574
    Age : 67
    Location : Where else but Amster Dam

    New job Empty Re: New job

    Post by MadAmster Tue 25 Aug 2020, 1:11 pm

    So I got on the bus and asked "Leyland return, please". Driver said "we don't go there pal". "Well" I replied, "it says Leyland on the front of the bus" to which he said "it says India on the tyres as well and we don't go there either"
    SawleyRam
    SawleyRam
    Admin

    Rams Fan Since Rams Fan Since : 1954
    First ever game : 1956
    Number of posts : 6006
    Registration date : 2011-01-11
    Points : 8239
    Age : 73
    Location : Username gives it away!

    New job Empty Re: New job

    Post by SawleyRam Tue 25 Aug 2020, 4:32 pm

    I didn’t like being a bus driver, I was convinced people were talking behind my back.



    It is better, of course, to know useless things than to know nothing.
    DavesaRam
    DavesaRam

    Rams Fan Since Rams Fan Since : 1968
    First ever game : Derby 5 Spurs 0
    Number of posts : 1204
    Registration date : 2011-10-15
    Points : 1388
    Age : 64
    Location : Allestree

    New job Empty Re: New job

    Post by DavesaRam Tue 25 Aug 2020, 6:48 pm

    I asked the librarian "do you have any books on paranoia?"

    The librarian said "They're behind you".
    Geordie Ram
    Geordie Ram

    Rams Fan Since Rams Fan Since : 1977
    First ever game : 1981 or 2? Rams v Oldham?
    Number of posts : 386
    Registration date : 2010-10-01
    Points : 477
    Age : 48
    Location : North Shields

    New job Empty Re: New job

    Post by Geordie Ram Tue 25 Aug 2020, 7:35 pm

    When l got the chance to work for the Brittle Bone Society, l snapped their hand off.
    SawleyRam
    SawleyRam
    Admin

    Rams Fan Since Rams Fan Since : 1954
    First ever game : 1956
    Number of posts : 6006
    Registration date : 2011-01-11
    Points : 8239
    Age : 73
    Location : Username gives it away!

    New job Empty Re: New job

    Post by SawleyRam Tue 25 Aug 2020, 9:47 pm

    I've just been diagnosed with paranoia and constipation

    I'm scared sh*tless.



    It is better, of course, to know useless things than to know nothing.
    bramhallram
    bramhallram

    Rams Fan Since Rams Fan Since : 1961
    First ever game : Rams 1 Sunderland 1 Oct 1961
    Number of posts : 4393
    Registration date : 2010-10-05
    Points : 4702
    Age : 70
    Location : Bramhall

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    Post by bramhallram Wed 26 Aug 2020, 9:25 am

    This bloke said to me, 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books."

    .
    MadAmster
    MadAmster

    Rams Fan Since Rams Fan Since : 0
    Number of posts : 17129
    Registration date : 2009-02-20
    Points : 19574
    Age : 67
    Location : Where else but Amster Dam

    New job Empty Re: New job

    Post by MadAmster Wed 26 Aug 2020, 9:30 am

    Patient: Doc, I'm depressed. Folk keep ignoring me.

    Doc: Next!!
    ToonRam
    ToonRam

    Rams Fan Since Rams Fan Since : 1962
    First ever game : Too small to remember...
    Number of posts : 426
    Registration date : 2017-07-21
    Points : 428
    Age : 58
    Location : The Toon

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    Post by ToonRam Wed 26 Aug 2020, 9:47 am

    Difference between an Acrobat and a Coppers Truncheon..?one does cunning stunts and the other is for.....

    Jackal likes this post

    MadAmster
    MadAmster

    Rams Fan Since Rams Fan Since : 0
    Number of posts : 17129
    Registration date : 2009-02-20
    Points : 19574
    Age : 67
    Location : Where else but Amster Dam

    New job Empty Re: New job

    Post by MadAmster Wed 26 Aug 2020, 10:20 am

    Difference between Eros and BoJo...........


    .......... the former is a cupid stunt...........
    SawleyRam
    SawleyRam
    Admin

    Rams Fan Since Rams Fan Since : 1954
    First ever game : 1956
    Number of posts : 6006
    Registration date : 2011-01-11
    Points : 8239
    Age : 73
    Location : Username gives it away!

    New job Empty Re: New job

    Post by SawleyRam Wed 26 Aug 2020, 2:40 pm

    Cupid lost his id.....


    Now we call him cup.



    It is better, of course, to know useless things than to know nothing.
    DavesaRam
    DavesaRam

    Rams Fan Since Rams Fan Since : 1968
    First ever game : Derby 5 Spurs 0
    Number of posts : 1204
    Registration date : 2011-10-15
    Points : 1388
    Age : 64
    Location : Allestree

    New job Empty Re: New job

    Post by DavesaRam Wed 26 Aug 2020, 5:55 pm

    Two lepers playing cards. One of them saw he had no chance of winning and threw his hand in. His mate laughed his head off.
    DavesaRam
    DavesaRam

    Rams Fan Since Rams Fan Since : 1968
    First ever game : Derby 5 Spurs 0
    Number of posts : 1204
    Registration date : 2011-10-15
    Points : 1388
    Age : 64
    Location : Allestree

    New job Empty Re: New job

    Post by DavesaRam Wed 26 Aug 2020, 5:56 pm

    The difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac is that a literalist takes everything literally and a kleptomaniac takes everything, literally.
    SawleyRam
    SawleyRam
    Admin

    Rams Fan Since Rams Fan Since : 1954
    First ever game : 1956
    Number of posts : 6006
    Registration date : 2011-01-11
    Points : 8239
    Age : 73
    Location : Username gives it away!

    New job Empty Re: New job

    Post by SawleyRam Wed 26 Aug 2020, 10:14 pm

    I bought some shoes from a drug dealer, I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.



    It is better, of course, to know useless things than to know nothing.

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